How can you say you love me and then you sleep with someone else?

This blog entry, really, is not as it says.  In reality, what it means is that I have been very upset this week because I cared for a specific outcome, but yet, the beneficiaries of the outcome, has acted in ways I believe just undo all the work I did to help them, and probably not with that intent too. 

But you know, I learned something, and from the land of happiness of Philippines.  That talking about it helps, and at the heart of all matters, genuine intent always prevails. 

Yes, it is the time of the year when I am philosophical again. 

Manny Pacquiao - The best pound for pound fighter in the world

Also known as the 2nd richest athlete in the world, waiting for Tiger Woods to fall off his first perch.

This guy is modest, he is not so well known but all the filipinos love him.  But when he fights, wow, he is a tiny dynamite in action.  So my message for my client team building exercise is that, if you want to fight, you got to fight as a heavyweight and across all divisions - you have a local hero you can emulate, the challenge now is to step into the ring, and get knocked out a few times, but come out standing, and one day, you will be able to not just say I want to be, but I am.

Six months has passed

How time flies.. always when one starts writing again, it tends to be difficult, in tidal waves initially and then the same "I don't feel like blogging" happens. 
Why have I not written for the last six months?
I am not sure.  I am not sure if anyone reads my blog, or my intention was for no one to read my blog so that I can then move on to blog for people who really wants to know about me.

My last blog, I had suffered a ligament partial tear injury in my right ankle.  Today the ankle still aches a little when I start jogging or running, and I continue to happily walk around in flat shoes.  I've bought myself some heels for work, to appear more professional, but it has never come to me wearing them.

I am still in the Philippines more time then I am in Malaysia or any other country.  I am going to be here for at least until mid of next year.  I say at least, and I admit it now, no point of being in denial - because the project I partially oversee will be on until at least May next year, and not including post production support.  The project is a series of implementation, and I strongly believe we will continue to be required to implement the following stages. 

I have really gotten to like a lot the people of the Philippines.  There are some days I feel frustrated because things cannot be changed, people cannot be changed, processes remains rigid, things do not get done, but my frustration has never been about the people, culture or the processes.  My frustrations has always stemmed from me.  The me is my emotional side who wants to do more more more, and is pushed to do more sometimes by my bosses, and a career in limbo does not help.  I have to say, if and when I leave this country at the end of my "assignment" (the longest one in my career so far if you consider the point I step foot in Philippines as the beginning of the journey), there will be a part of me left behind here. I will write more about this in later blogs.

I wrote at the beginning of my blog this year, this will be year which I will achieve 1000kms of running.  Running continues to be my passion because when I run, I am free of the aches, pains, stress, and all that is associated with who I am when I am working, etc.  It also gives me a chance to interact with different people and people who like pain, speed, and who from all walks of life, champion a common cause of achievement of the most modest kind. Finishing a race with sweat!

I have at some point in the last few months, had a lot of headaches which caused me to question if I am well.  I avoided going for a brain scan.  I do not think I need a brain scan now.  I believe I am well.  Age and state of mind is indeed a factor of how much rest, relaxation and emotional and spiritual well being a person is.  This may sound very philosophical, but I've always believed my interest in running and competing drives me to overcome many possible health and mental illness I would've probably succumbed to for a person with the type of challenges I consistently push myself to at work.

Friends alike, thanks for your patience and please welcome me back!

Flowers from the land of Avatar

Avatar flowers!!!  To all ironman competitors tomorrow, all the best.  As for me, I need to learn how to walk again tomorrow... I am determined to try because it is so damn boring sitting in front of the computer and tv and eat and sleep. 

A humbling experience

My series of bad luck is visiting again - and all this probably to punish me for winning some small amount of $$ during the recent chinese new year break.  During the first week fo chinese new year, on two occasions, the two visits to open houses has resulted in fair to good luck for me on the gambling table, albeit small amount of winnings only.  This led me to believe.. wow, this is going to be my good luck year (fyi, I never win any money or get any free rides - all my gains has been really tough hard work - this over every aspect too!).

Yesterday morning, I had a bad fall, I slipped on a step in front of the client's back door entrance enroute to a contract negotiation meeting!  On hindsight I blamed it on my shoes - this was a new pair of heels and the heels were smaller than the ones I was previously used to, perhaps it was just that, things on my mind or just forces preventing me from closing the deal!

Regardless, the moment I fell, it was excruciating pain on my right ankle.  I really could not stand up, even with help, it took me a few minutes to edge my way to sit down on the ledge near the wall.  This was early morning, when there were many people nearby.  The kind souls who helped me onto the wall must've been surprised at my pained look. 

I sprained my ankle - badly too.  I sat down for a few minutes, the guard looking concerned and kept mumbling to me in Tagalog whether I wanted to go to the clinic, he was going to call the emergency medical services.  I said, no, let me sit down first.  I tried to get up, but I definitely had almost no feeling on my right ankle.  I called my Filipino colleague who was at the nego meeting.  Thankfully she answered, and she wisely asked the client's EA Rhoda to come down to look for me and bring me to the clinic.

I somehow magically managed to shuffle to the clinic which was 20 m away, on another client building, clutching to Rhoda's hands, whilst she carried my handbag and laptop bag.  I had heard of this clinic, the client actually owns Makati Medical Center and was famous for employee care, they had a properly equipped clinic on the office building with even a small operating theatre.  At the clinic, amazingly, Rhoda told me that the docter can see me even though I am not an employee. 

After waiting for 5 mins, I limped into Dr Limjoco's office - he had an office, and was not in white like a docter.  I showed him the golfball at my right ankle, and he promptly (smart docter!) asked an orderly to bring me to an xray room, in a wheelchair!  That started my wheelchair experience.  The orderly wheeled me to a xray place, the xray dude immediately xrayed my right ankle (err, where is my protecting sheet?)  and then wheeled me to a operating theatre?  Before I started to think the worst, the docter came in and applied some anti infection on my left scraped knee (which was fortunately not bleeding).  Phew (I thought I was going to go into some big examination...) - the operating room was a small place anyway..

Anyway, there I go back to the good docter's room, and then he pronounced me ok "no fractures" smiled at me, and gave me cerebrex (I remember mum takes this for anti-inflammation), and a small prescription sheet and ok, sayonara.  I was wondering - huh?  The guy is not going to even bandage up my golf ball ankle and how the heck am I going to get home from Philippines to KL when I still could not feel my ankle ?

What then ensued was a series of getting back to my hotel, getting a wheelchair from the hotel to my room, making requests for wheelchair assistance for my flight back, and then wheelchair to taxi, shuffled in pain for 20 feet, wheelchair from entrance of airport to aircraft door.  Kind help from kind strangers to get me food, and wheelchair from KLIA airport from aircraft door to the exit before I got on my transport home. 

Safely back at my parent's home in KL, suffice to say I had indeed a humbling experience yesterday.  God was telling me to slow down, and I am still going about in my bullet train speed.  One day life stops and you wonder whether all you are doing on the side was living.  I have not learnt that lesson still, and yet, it was indeed a humbling experience for me.  During the race at putrajaya, I never wondered what would've happened if my knees were wiped out - I would be in a wheelchair for months - it is not a joke to have the ability to walk or run taken away from you in one instance, and with the same thought I really got to appreciate the courage of the disabled to be in such a situation all their lives.  How thankful I am that I had not broken my ankle, my knee or anything. 

When you have difficulty walking, you wonder why everything seems so far away, why people stared when you limp for a few steps, and why people just could not understand how difficult it was to walk two steps, but when you are seated, everyone could not prejudice you against your disabilities, because in the mind of the walking disabled, they are the same powerful individuals as all of us. 

The ankle is swollen like a real hard puffy piece now, and walking is more inconvenient but at least the swelling is subsiding along. 

I cannot wait to run again, but indeed I will look at wheelchair bound people with a different level of admiration the next time for their grittiness to tackle the challenges put in their way. 

Congratulations...

.. to ML and Mick ... for your upcoming marriage registration.  I thought it was a simple way for me to say how happy I am for both of you..

ML, my dear friend from university days - cold room, stairway 6, ski trips, d&ds, st kilda, games, work, shanghai, amsterdam, facebook, skype, your brothers, mum, dad, nephews and nieces, crushes, high standards, being angry, being at peace, finding michael, deciding ... a long long long way and maybe 20 years, more than half our lifetime till now. I wish you, the best life forward, and a lifetime of friendship, family (your own), and success in your own definition.

ML, congratulations once again.. marriages are happy occasions for everyone, and I am sorry I cannot be with you and Michael on this occasion.  I will as promised stand by my word to be your organizer for your wedding reception (and will delegate effectively!)... regardless of where we will each be.

Flower Power

Happy Belated Valentine's Day, Happy Chinese New Year!  (More flowers failed in loading process due to my being cut off from streamyx due to modem failure, ie... accidentally "POTONG", and full time using my P1 wiggy now!)

Bareno Run

I went shopping at Brooks @ Curve yesterday.. I signed up for Bareno run and bought a Brooks Adrenaline GTS 10 pair of shoes..!

Today I found out Bareno sells toilet bowls (in addition to kitchen sinks, taps, etc)!  So, should we expect...
a) Ample supply of jacuzzi baths at the end of the race
b) Lots of well equipped toilet bowls for toilet stops along the race
c) Tap water supply in a row at the refreshment station
d) Winner collects free supply of toilet bowls for house
e) Medal in the shape of a .... "toilet bowl"!...

Heheh.. no bad mouthing intended - I think it is great for a product company to sponsor a run - frankly people don't really care who organizes the run, it maybe even a great way to reach out to people... and introduce your product.  It would be really cool, if they even attempted one of the five ideas I listed - they would definitely have won the "product marketing" award from a runner's perspective!

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

Announcing, runner number 34...

I am placed number 34 in my race category ... woopee!
But guess what, number 34 is 3rd from LAST!!!! ...

As a result of this dismal race, I have decided to punish myself with retail therapy, and bought myself a....
...
...
PAIR OF RUNNING SHOES...!!

There is something wrong with me.. I am slowly transforming to become a species known as hardcore social runners who cannot improve.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great break during the upcoming chinese new year, and practice RICE, and then we are back on the run.  See you at the next race!

The night eludes me..

Once again, the night eludes me.. the Putrajaya Night Marathon 6 Feb 2009.. this race was indeed one of my worst race in my marathon history.

Lots of people attempt marathons when they are adequately prepared and trained for it, and is willing to move onto the next stage. I attempt marathons because sometimes I just wished to challenge myself. Running can get pretty boring when you have no definitive milestones - yes, I do wish to better my time for 10km and 21km, but sometimes that additional planning and trying to achieve that plan a couple of months ahead can sometimes be a great test of determination and faith in the sport.

I knew I could not make a good time, and also doubted if I could make it about 10km + into the race.  I felt sluggish, blame it on my poor psycho, the rest for two weeks when I found my right knee creaking and clicking when straightening - and a stoppage of "training" regime - all this put all my efforts since October to waste.

The most difficult part of the race was actually the humidity and the rolling hills. The humidity caused me to become very sluggish and heavy, I actually sweated so much in just the first 10km that the loss of fluid made me a bit dizzy and really fatigued.. despite gulping down lots of 100plus and water (thank god the organizers did a great job here!). The rolling hills physchologically killed me as well as physically - the stretch on the lebuhraya timur was never ending and it was never ending when I drove it during the day to check the course and on foot in the dark with streetlights as companions.. it was a long way home..

The most revealing part of this race was actually how mind over matter rules in races, besides the ample preparation. Not only did I need to have the ample preparation, my mind this round was dubious on my own performance, and even at the "pen" I saw only people who were going to be ahead. Every official I passed after the turnoff of 21km and 42km runners I wanted to ask if I was the last. Every refreshment station I felt urged to not only drink but also look for the famous "transport" bus.. this mentality I could not finish a race with. So when I finished, honestly I had a bit more left in the tank as physically I was fatigued, but mentally and legs wise, I could do a whole hour better I do believe.

The most thankful part of the race was that I was not injured further, in fact, I forgot my injured knee and gave it a go at times. It was also a great thing that the organizers did a great job to leave behind the water folks and the marshalls even for the last few. This has never happened before in history of malaysian races. One has to be careful about Malaysian races - the lack of participants especially in Marathon categories inevitably means you have to learn about how to be last or last few, and in this case, place faith in the organizers for supporting the last few.

The most enjoyable part of the race was indeed the fact that I finished a marathon, personal worst or not. I finished it, in the deserted midnite when only a few souls were around, I jogged past the finishing line, and I had a few foreigners clap for me, and Boon, Peter, Brion around waiting. Thanks guys - I had been rehearsing in my last 1km what kind of apology I could tell you guys for waiting so long for me, but I forgot those words when I saw the finishing line.

I could blame no one but myself for the disappointing time. Maybe in a couple of weeks time I could tell myself, at least I finished the race - and the amazing thing is that within a day I convinced myself I will run another marathon this year, possibly the one I have signed up for already.

Perhaps this year should be a year to enjoy and to push for consistency and also stamina. What I need is willpower, time, and good health, which thankfully all three despite the poor timing on yesterday's race, I still have some left.

The next race is a vengence on the night.. it will be me against the energizer bunny with 21km and a time factor in between.  If I can crack this in a personal best, this will restore my faith in night races...

Footnote : I am so glad I was not last. After I finished, took my medal, banter with the gang, took some photos and finally hobbled to my car, changed shoes and drove off - and I ended up in the same last 1km stretch -there were still people walking the last 1km - amazing, tabik guys, and thanks for making my day that I knew I was not last.